Difficult circumstances, unrealized dreams or expectations, or losing things or people we love can all lead to bitterness, just as they did for Naomi. However, as we read her story, we can learn how to avoid bitterness.
Lucy and her husband never had to worry about money, until her husband lost his job. Now they are struggling to make ends meet. They may even lose their house. Lucy was taught in church that God is in control and will provide, but she still blames Him for their situation. She feels like God doesn’t care about her or her circumstances anymore. Lucy is becoming bitter.
Sharon always dreamed about becoming a nurse so that she could help people. But before she could begin nursing school, she met and fell in love with a good man. She gave up her dream in order to get married and start a family. Staying home with the kids every day is much harder than she had thought it would be, though. She’s becoming more and more discontent, even to the point of becoming bitter.
Janet lived in the same town her whole life and was very close to her parents and siblings. She dreamed of raising her own family in the same town where she grew up, with lots of fun family gatherings. Her husband accepted a new job in a new town far away, though, after only a couple years of marriage. She doesn’t like this new town and resents giving up so much when they moved. Janet is becoming bitter.
Melissa married her high school sweetheart. They were happy together for several years, until he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. In just a few short months, he died, and Melissa was a widow at the age of 28. She misses her husband terribly and can’t imagine life without him. Melissa is becoming depressed, pushing everyone away. She’s angry that God took her husband away so soon, and she’s becoming bitter.
Can you relate to these women?
The stories above are all fictional, but I’m sure we can all relate to at least one of these women. Maybe you’re going through a tough time right now, and you feel like God just doesn’t care. Perhaps your life hasn’t turned out the way you thought it would, and you’re discontent with the way things are. Maybe you’ve had to give up something important to you, and you resent the loss. Perhaps you’ve lost someone you love, and you’re angry that God took that person away. If so, you’re not alone. However, difficult circumstances, unrealized dreams or expectations, or losing things or people we love can all lead to bitterness if we’re not careful.
Naomi’s Story
In the book of Ruth, Naomi experienced all of these things. She lived in the time of the Judges, which was one of the darkest times in Israel’s history. The people of Israel were sinful, and rejected God (Judges 21:25). Possibly as judgment for Israel’s sin, there was a famine in the land, and food was scarce. Rather than trusting God, Naomi and her family left Bethlehem and moved to the pagan land of Moab, leaving behind their friends, family, and everything familiar.
They probably had big dreams for this move, though. “Things will have to be better in Moab. We can make a good life there,” they probably thought. However, Naomi’s husband died in Moab. Years later, after taking Moabite wives, both of her sons also died. With the death of her family, Naomi’s dream of a good life also died. She had nothing left. (You can read about this in Ruth 1:1-5).
Naomi’s life was hard. She faced famine and hardship in Bethlehem. She lost her family and friends when she moved to Moab, and then her husband and sons when they died in Moab. Naomi’s dreams and expectations of a better life died with them. If anyone had the right to become bitter, it was Naomi. And that’s exactly what she did. When she returned to Bethlehem, she told the people there to no longer call her Naomi, which means “pleasant.” Instead, she told them to call her Mara, which means “bitter.”
Like Naomi, we could allow our circumstances to lead to bitterness. As we look at Naomi’s life, however, we can learn ways to avoid bitterness.
You can avoid bitterness by being content where God has put you (Ruth 1:1-2).
Naomi and her family lived in Bethlehem, which was part of the Promised Land that God had given to the Israelites. When things got tough, they moved to Moab instead of remaining in the land where God had placed them and trusting God to meet their needs. It’s as if they had given up on God providing for them, so they sought provision elsewhere.
When we face difficult times, we may also give up on God. It may seem like He’s not answering our prayers the way we think He should. His answer may seem too slow in coming. Maybe we can’t see His hand in our situation at all, and we think He’s abandoned us. So, we look elsewhere to meet our needs instead of trusting in Him. Or we become discontent with our circumstances, and seek a way out.
However, Matthew 6:33 says, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” “All these things” refers to what we will eat and what we will wear, the basic necessities of life. As long as we remain faithful to God, and seek His will for our lives, He will provide all that we need. We should be content in our “promised land,” or the situation in which God has placed us, knowing that He will not leave us nor forsake us.
Being comforted by people around you will help you to not become bitter (Ruth 1:8-9, 11-13).
When things are hard, we sometimes withdraw, pushing away those around us who care about us and want to help. Naomi did this, sending her only remaining family, her two daughters-in-law, back to their families instead of allowing them to stay and comfort her.
Fortunately for Naomi, Ruth refused to leave. We see through the rest of the book that Ruth truly was a comfort to Naomi. Often God chooses to demonstrate His love for us through other people. He puts people in our lives to care for us and help bear our burdens. He wants to use the people around us to be His hands and feet, but we must be willing to accept their help and comfort.
To avoid bitterness, be careful not to blame God (Ruth 1:13, 20-21).
When bad things happen, we usually want someone to blame. Blaming God is convenient, because He has the power to change our circumstances or prevent bad things from happening. If He doesn’t, then we tend to doubt His goodness, deciding that He must just not care. Naomi blamed God for her tragic situation, saying that the hand of the Lord had gone out against her, and that the Lord had dealt bitterly with her.
The fact that bad things happen to good people is the result of living in a fallen world. God allows these things, because they are the consequence of sin, either our own sin or someone else’s sin against us. He also plans to use the bad things to bring about some good in our lives (Romans 8:28). Often, He uses tough times to draw us closer to Himself and to cause us to become more like Christ. Rather than blaming God, we must trust in His goodness. To avoid bitterness, we must ask God to allow our circumstances to change us into the people that He wants us to be.
You can also avoid bitterness by being confident in the promises of God (Ruth 4:14).
As an Israelite, Naomi would have been familiar with the prophesies and the promises of God about the coming Messiah. Even in the midst of the darkest time in her people’s history, Naomi should have trusted that God would be faithful to His promises. Even though she had lost everything else, she shouldn’t have lost her hope. We see at the end of the story that there is a redeemer to rescue Naomi and Ruth from their difficult life. Boaz, and later his and Ruth’s son Obed, points us toward the coming of another Redeemer, who will rescue us all.
No matter how much we lose in this life, no matter how much we suffer, we can be joyful rather than bitter. We must keep our focus on the promises of God, trusting in His faithfulness. Paul suffered much, but he still wrote the following:
“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:17-18).
When facing difficult times, when your dreams don’t come true, or when you lose someone or something precious to you, it’s easy to become bitter. However, we can avoid bitterness if we remember the lessons learned from Naomi’s story. Be content with where you are, trusting in God to provide. Be comforted by those around you. Allow them to be the instruments of God’s love in your life. Be careful to blame God, focusing on His goodness instead. And be confident in His promises, knowing that God is faithful to do all that He has said He will do.
Resources for Further Study:
Ruth Scripture Writing/Reading Plan
Ruth: Experiencing a Life Restored by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth
From Famine to Fullness: The Gospel According to Ruth by Dean Ulrich
Patty Hough
Thank you! I hope to remember how to better
share with others how bad things do sometimes happen.
Lydia
It is so important to be able to comfort others when they have hard times! Thanks for reading 🙂